Posted in Uncategorized

Re-Post of My Dear Brother C.J.

Last year (October 20, 2010), I responded to a post from a friend grappling with the same issue as today’s blog. I decided to re-post it to see how far I’m come with this.

My dear Brother in Christ,

As I read your note, tears rolled down my face because I know it was the work of the enemy that allowed the fall of a dynamic ministry.

But if the ministry was built on falsehood, it was bound to fail along with all who bought into it.

I’ve said it before; I believed in the “ministry” that was Linwood. The feelings were real, and my life was forever changed. But one of the things I learned was that I could not be lead by people with messy lives. That sprinkled over me like poison. So many people could not break from their “messiness,” why?—because the poison sprinkling over them in prayer, song and ministry, kept them going down a slippery slope. I could feel it like the plague.

Despite it all I still believe. I believe I have been delivered from the bondage I endured over years of “typical” worship. I believe I have the strength to ask someone if they know the Lord, and be willing to pray for them and reach out to them. I believe that worship draws you closer to God. I believe that I drew all that from back then…and I will never be the same.

Ecclesiastes 3 teaches us that there is a “season” for everything. And if you believe the Word like I do, you know without a shadow of a doubt that when our “season” returns…we surely won’t let the enemy destroy it again.

For everything there is a season, and a time for very purpose under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. 9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboreth? 10 I have seen the travail which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised therewith.

11 He hath made everything beautiful in its time: also he hath set eternity in their heart, yet so that man cannot find out the work that God hath done from the beginning even to the end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for them, than to rejoice, and to do good so long as they live. 13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy good in all his labor, is the gift of God. 14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor anything taken from it; and God hath done it, that men should fear before him. 15 That which is hath been long ago; and that which is to be hath long ago been: and God seeketh again that which is passed away.

Blessings to all my friends in the brotherhood who have endured. I love you all.

Posted in Uncategorized

Escaping Jezebel: Warning, This May Hurt a Bit

Though the exact date escapes me, in 2006 I decided to walk away from a church that had at one time, meant so much to me. Before I walked away, there was a horrible church split and unfortunately because I was involved in a few of the ministries, I had to make a choice. The day the church split and the weeks after, are still pretty raw to me, but my choice was to stay with whom I thought was the most “wronged.” Even with making that choice, deep down I had my doubts but the other side of the split wasn’t an option and other local churches became involved in the nasty entanglement as well. Additionally, my siblings were still involved and I didn’t want to let them down. I pressed forward with my head held high.

Getting into the details of what happened is not the point here so I’ll move forward. I eventually walked away feeling betrayed by the “wronged” one. The closer I got to the inner-workings of this church I worked hard to help rebuild, the nastier things became. I began to have what I can only equate to a veil being lifted from my eyes. Clearly, I began to see greed. I saw lies and perversion. I saw people grand-standing for position. I saw a reckless disregard for other people and their feelings. The textbooks call this “sociopathic behavior.” I began to see it as a Jezebel spirit. Yes, I went there. A Jezebel spirit is not limited to women and in this situation this spirit became overwhelming as the need to grow this church progressed.

I’m a bit off-track again because this just blows me away. Just about everyone under the “wronged” one’s ministry began to exhibit some form of the Jezebel spirit (I did say “just about.” But even if you didn’t, you felt the effects of those who did.), and I was not exempt. I thank God that during that volatile time, I worked for a gospel radio station. The music and ministry shows soothed my aching spirit. My co-workers who knew some of the details came to my rescue with prayer and advice. Eventually, I broke ties with the church, and most of the people who remain there. My siblings followed suit one by one with my baby-sister the last to leave. Over the last year or so, I’ve slowly started to reconnect with members from both sides of the split. It’s been emotional each time because I miss so many of my friends that had to make the decisions I made for one side or the other. This past weekend, my brother took pictures of one of the family’s I missed so much. After the tears, I had a ball watching them ham it up in front of my brother’s skillful eye.

Although I have still been unable to find a permanent church home – more than likely because I’m still a bit jaded – my faith is not shaken. I feel stronger spiritually than I’ve ever felt. I even had the opportunity last year to work with the “wronged” one on a wedding. Though the air was thick as peanut butter, I remained professional and calm on the outside. On the inside, I wanted to scream!

Recently there have been those wanting to do a reunion of sorts, old members, old praise team and those who were changed by the original mission of the ministry. It could be great, but only if the gathering would be for uplifting purposes. Not for recreating what was and not if it means bringing that Jezebel spirit in our midst. . The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3 that there is a “time,” for everything. Is the time right?