I’m Not Supposed To Be Here!

Seven months ago I left my full-time job with benefits at Crawford Broadcasting Company Detroit with the intention of relocating to Maryland to work and reinvent myself.

I had three phone interviews for three different jobs and really thought I had at least one of them. So, it would only be  a matter of time before I’d uproot. Right? While waiting for my new start, I took on some part-time work as an adjunct instructor at the Specs Howard School of Media Arts and continued my part-time job at Metro News Network as a traffic and news reporter. Don’t get it twisted; I love both jobs but let me tell you about the last few months…

The week after leaving my full-time gig, Manchild and I took a road trip to scout for apartments and of course face to face interviews. The drive wasn’t bad, but the hotel blew chunks, I got lost a lot (including a GPS routed trip to Five Guys that took me to a cemetery instead) and my son was going through what I now know was his first bout with a deep depression. Two interviews fell through, and the one I had I found out that the company was in transition. No one knew if they were coming or going. Not pleasant. I thought this was an attack from the enemy so I kept “pressing” for a gig but increasingly became disheartened.

In the middle of all of this, I attempted to short sell my home (this was even before I thought I was leaving Michigan) but my mortgage company literally threw me under a bus and I lost my house – becoming yet another Michigan statistic. The only good thing about that disaster was that I was able to bank some money for my move. After much prayer and discussion with family, I decided (at the last possible moment) to go ahead and get an apartment here until a job came through. I even got an apartment that has a “coast to coast” clause in it meaning, if I did get my long awaited gig in Maryland, I could move into one of their properties, and avoid penalties for breaking my lease. Later, I’d find out that most of this company’s properties are horrible; with tenant ratings in the tank.

More attacks: From my son being hospitalized twice, to this dismal apartment complex complete with unruly neighbors and ridiculous nickel and dime policies, I’ve been feeling agitated that nothing has happened. I’ve fought off illness as well, in need of some health benefits, and am barely keeping my head above water right now. All of this while trying to make a dollar out of fifty cents. I don’t regret leaving WMUZ one iota, but getting to where I thought I would be has been discouraging at best.

So, after yet another rejection letter from a broadcast outlet in our Nation’s Capital, I’m bailing out of the search. This last letter said because my “resume did not state” that I communicated to people around the world whose native language is not English, and that I did not show that I have the length of “specialized/specific experience needed” for the gig, I was disqualified for the job. Really?*brewing* I want to know what drone reviewed my expansive experience. *Bubbling* And with the internet, how could they know who I’m communicating to? *BOILING* For God Sake, I teach basic broadcast writing! Whew…cool down Tess, cool down.

I also realize I need to have my son situated before I can make such a big leap and am more than sure that’s why God has me in this holding pattern. Romans 8:28!

So, when I received this daily devotion in my email from Bill and Marsha Burns today, I was humbled: Release the turmoil of the past weeks and months and come into a place of rest and peace.  Your striving has produced unrest, and the only remedy is to come to Me.  Leave your burdens behind and come for healing and a time of restoration.  Come! Matthew 11:28-30   “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Wow! I need not push, pull, tug, call, write, apply or worry anymore. You feel me?

OK…Maybe once more: http://www.visualcv.com/anewview49

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2 thoughts on “I’m Not Supposed To Be Here!

  1. I think this maybe, the first time that I’ve ever disagreed with you. 😦 In my personal opnion I think that you are supposed to be where you are. I know that because of you and “TESS” I find strength when at times I don’t think I have it. As a teacher you impact peoples lives in ways that I don’t think that you know. You help people like myself reach their dreams and when you do get personal you allow them to know that no matter how hard it maybe you can get there! At least that’s what you’ve done for me! Yes I may have that in me already but YOU helped me push through it! You never know when people really hear you. I keep the story that you’ve shared with me in my little memory bank and I play it over and over in my head when I want to just give up. Maybe, God is using you to help people like me.

    • I love it! Thank you for bringing up a point I should have clarified. I really love teaching and Tessifing my classes, one student at a time. What I didn’t realize – until about a month or so ago – was how much of an impact I had on the students I encounter. Tamara, it is such a heavy responsibility!

      But, when I hear you guys say how much you have changed because of me, or students tell me they hated school until they had me as a teacher, or even, “I never made more than a D in school and now I know I can get A’s!” I’m humbled and know that for this season… this time… I am here for a reason.

      Thank you so much for disagreeing. That’s why I love you girl! Honesty is so under-rated!

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